I don’t want to follow in your footsteps:
I recognize I am too weak for the
sacrifice of well and tree.
This does not mean I have not known pain
in my lifetime, only that I do not, cannot,
compare it with yours.
And yes, there is fear—
how could there not be?
I think of all that you are and quake;
You are not exactly known for your kindness.
A friend writes that it is a folly
to think that the Gods do not care for mortals.
Not all gods will concern themselves
with all humans, of course—
they take an interest in just certain ones,
just as we mortals may take an interest
in a favorite actor or author or painter,
or even a sports team.
We do not know why you choose
certain of us, of course;
for the most part,
You’re not telling,
and it would be rude (and dangerous!) to pry.
Now, saying that the gods care for us
is not the same as saying that they defer to us,
nor would I wish it so;
that is not the natural order of things.
What I mean is that it is natural to be afraid of you,
from time to time,
just as I would fear an earthquake,
or a tornado
or a wildfire
or a hurricane—
forces of nature, all so much greater in power than I,
and unpredictable,
with unguessable motivations,
smashing down boundaries,
ignoring the desires of the venal and greedy
and lazy and weak
(and sometimes the strong and the humble
and the dedicated and the committed, too),
and generally doing whatever must be done
to achieve their goals.
No, I don’t want to follow in your footsteps,
but I want to be of use.
I want to learn.
I know my fear has thrown up a wall between us—
no wall could keep you out
if you did not permit it to,
but I think, perhaps, you let it stand,
maybe to see how long I would go,
allowing myself to remain apart from you
(in my fear, or maybe my stubbornness),
before at last I cracked.
Longer than I should have,
but less time than it could have been, I guess.
I’m tired of—well, not fighting,
because I can’t hope to fight you—
but of struggling,
like a small fish trapped in an unbreakable net.
If you will still have me,
if I have not exhausted your patience,
(I do not delude myself that I could make you angry,
You who have faced down giants and trolls
and monsters without a qualm,
but neither do I think your patience is endless),
If you will still have me,
here I am.
All Their Voices 